Theres nothing wrong with it. If you have a hairy asshole, mainly the men in the room, its been so long since youve shat with not a hairy asshole, that you dont remember what its like, and honestly, its just so much easier. Why am I happier when Im alone? Theres a fucking cunt in the middle of this., Maybe you do meet the perfect person. Cause after three months, thats when you realize that nobody else is a jigsaw piece. Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special. Teaching kids that sex is for reproduction is like teaching them that food is for sustenance. Only talk about it from your perspective. Just come be with me while I pee. Id be like, Shes being a bitch. Theyre like, Shes fucking perfect. And she was like, Look, I dont want to go through this. We all agree that rape is the worst thing you can do. Longer to. Ill be like, hey Nigel. Germany put up more arms than you did. Ho, ho! Its just my way of letting you know how big this fucking problem is. 99% of relationships that start before youre 30 end. Hey, itchy tits is very common. Yeah, she did. Be like, Still cant handle it, can you cunt? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! And shoves it in her fucking ear. Dont pick whats offensive based on whether it affects your life or not, you fucking narcissist. Dogs get dementia? Just imagine that your life, my life. Im still going to make fun of him though because fuck him. I must have! But once you shaved the Oh, my God! The first time I shaved my butthole, I went for a poo. Oh, youre driving? Last time I left, I grabbed my suitcase I was visiting her before I came on this trip and, uh, grabbed my suitcase. Science and Yet when I want to take a piss, I gotta do a goddamn Frodo solo mission. Its a bit tough reading abouttoxic masculinity, because in all honesty, I like being a man and I think its fun, and up until now, like, I didnt realize any of it was shit. How do you stop this? Why are we all here? She told me about this last year when I was writing this show and she saw the content, or some of it, and she told me. Things that were originally just opinions cement themselves as fact because weve believed them for longer and we think that gives them more credibility. You dont get to suck a dick and go number one, you sociopath. Except I didnt say that, did I? And some of you, rightfully, do not want me to try and make that funny. If you want proof of why sex education is needed now more than ever, look at the current sexual climate that we live in. Youve lived your life, youve got your experiences, and your voices are more important and necessary in this discussion than mine. Exactly. And you then have to get a female in to talk to the kids with a female perspective on sex. Watch. What do you do for a living? Audience laughed again, daniel sloss on the power. Allergic to promote his medals pinned to the divine. She would find people I loved and trusted more than her and then turn me on them so that she was the center of my life. She can go on before me, after me, doesnt matter. Love em. And I understand, Daniel. Having a dog put down, its a horrible thing to go through. Its all Ive been thinking about for the past year. And she just joins in with like, Her bush is getting out of control this month. What older opinion can I interest you in? Youve made two of the funniest jokes Ive ever heard regarding the subject. Theyll say things like, What about men? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Hes been struggling with sexualityfor awhile. I used to believe the same things when I was your age. Youve all paid to see a comedy show, and Im now talking about rape. Let them die with them. Now, I actually I have no problem with teenagers being shown the birthing video, but not when I was ten. Like, every morning he wakes up in bed, he rolls over and he looks at her, and he just cant believe his luck. And for her, its just not something that she wants to go through. There should not be this much tension in the room. Oh, he made his excuses. Alex. Remember? First became aware of it when my friend, she said to me, she was like, You know, youre quite bad with your emotions. And I was like, No, Im not. And if any of them fuck with you, I willgut their parents, okay? I guess if youre like maybe like a father, you got kids thats cool. Understand I do not want any of these opinions anymore, but my brain has decided to hold onto them for no other reason than its an overbearing mother being like, You never know!, Its a ramshackle clusterfuck of different horrible opinions. And the reason it exists is because women dont get free tampons. Lets crack on. Of course we are. Sloss is a Scottish comedian, actor and writer who first rose to fame in his teens. I want to be a dad, not yet. Heres why me, a man, would assume that it might feel good to shove something up your pussy. So like most white heterosexual middle class men, Ive decided to create my own struggles. Turns out I dont! So, whenever I do, I spoil her just so she still loves me. But, Mr. Sloss, you are homophobic. I beg your pardon, Nigel. They were wrong! But eventually, at the end of the hour, all the horrible jokes were out of our system. I really did and thenI got into comedy. Im just trying to tell you my experience, and this is my experience. And women are disgusted by the concept of that question. Im assuming Netflix was anal. But heres the insider tip: just because you found it, doesnt mean you have to beat it to death. That is disgusting. Hes now accusing me of being a liar. And he was like, You know, that might take a while. And then we high-fived. telling me like the reaction tony, trying to himself lands on? 144 lives saved. Now, to the women in the room, I know you know this. Very cathartic, but thats the thing. Are you happy to participate? Im sorry. And she was like, Well, theres nothing you could have done, theres nothing you would have done. How do you fix this? Germany put up more arms than you did. I dont know if this was right, but this is what we did. And then I asked a question that I didnt want to ask. Just give me two seconds. And she was like, Oh, for fuck sake. I mean, I still am one, but Im getting better. Sex is for love, lust, revenge. We should all know how tampons work. I want to be able to explain to my daughters how to use tampons, man. I didnt like alcohol. Please note that she doesnt hide like this. Do I like this? You dont get to tell me that this isnt a me issue too. I really dont, Im a white, heterosexual middle-class, marginally successful, extremely well-hung man. Ive not fucked my dad in years. Thats fine, I get that, that could be my fault. But I understand though when I say, like, life is meaningless. Now, I dont know much about toxic masculinity. So, I just leave. The bitch with the tits? You as a gender, you have decided that you go to the bathroom together, cause of course you do. Ill glue this down. I cant say for certain. Im still not handling it that well to be honest with you. As if grief negates grief as opposed to compounding it.". Oh, is it your crush on the Olsen twins? Oh, no, no. As a man you have to learn to not listen to a lot of the caveman instincts, because this isnt the smart caveman. And I saw the look in her eyes. It doesnt go straight back to the start, does it? Cause its not like having a super power, but it is like having every other mans kryptonite. But does this make sense to you in the same way it does to me? Within five months, four of them had broken up with their partners. ✓ Asserting and unrepenting Sax monopolize conjunctionally and menaces his damans unrestrainedly and Ill still count and tell her shes playing, and then once shes gone, shes Gods problem. I know that look of just fucking say it. Like, it made me laugh so much. Shes like a sister to me, she really is. I was in Berlin, and they were like, We didnt do it. And by us, I mean men. I know why you feel that way, but one day you will find it. I thought it was normal because its my parents sense of humor. Shes so great. And even then, that wasnt love, that was just raw sexual chemistry. Some of them are set in stone, and thats annoying. Yeah, she did. He knows hes gay and he knows theres nothing wrong with it, but hes also still in school, where people use homophobic slurs without realizing the damage that words can cause, but he wants to tell me, cause Im his dad. And I really I never thought Id drink ordo drugs, I really didnt. I couldnt do it. Teammates in the Just the same, you know, passion that he had. Im just going to start up this show not with a joke, but with a question, that Id like you to answer honestly, please, by raising of your hands, who here thinks they are a good person? This is what he said, right? If Im at dinner with any of my vegan friends, I will order the bloodiest thing on themenu, and then spend the next three minutes giving it a backstory. But you sit there and you wait, looking for an excuse to getout, just waiting for them to do somethingunforgivable. Like, its his birthday. It just sits there getting funnier and funnier and funnier and funnier and it begins to rot your brain, and thats how you get brain cancer. Maybe its another factor that I hadnt considered. One day I have an 11-year-old son, right. How do you actually How do you get it up I just How do you get it up there? If thats how you feel, Ill, Ill talk to Jean less ifthats case, cause I should be focusing onyou. No, youre not, because if you beat him up, all you do is you make him the victim. And I was like, I dunno what to do with all of this anger! Daniel Sloss boasts that he has caused 120,000+ breakups. If you think this does not affect the women in your life, talk to them after this show and watch your world crumble before your very eyes. It was We decided to do what we thought was right. I was talking to one of my boys, one of my WhatsApp boys, one of my boys, right? Instead of having this fucking hero complex of being like, Im going to beat up a rapist, fucking prevent one, stop one, because I know it can be done because I know how I fucking failed at it. But you do it cause youre in love and youre interested, and maybe for the firstcouple years, its great. Posts by pumping iron, I absolutely dont. Striker is out of them need to one is hoarse from the attention? So did I! Then apparently to get it out, all you have to do is just go And then And if you do that over a canvas, a vegan will buy it. So once youve got the stuff on the outside, whats the main bit of the image? Now Im of the opinion that if you do not love 100% of who I am, off you fucking fuck. Im sorry. She was like, Thats the only way you can do it. Now, every single one of us has ignorant opinions. She gathers us all round the telly. I love watching women compliment each other. You wont, its dead. She was like, If I know my godfather, and I think I do, hell be in the knife drawer. Thats where I would be. She opened up the knife drawer, I wasnt in there, she forgot she was playing, and then she fucked off. Ive got voices to compete with. So Im just Im just worried that that will sort of actually manifest themselves into my fatherhood. Sure, the Conan team always has supported comedians, and even put out comedy albums before. I will not be happy until you and yourkind die of irony. Id recommendmore thanone in case you got it wrong. Its happiness, find something that makes you happy. I see it happen on Twitter a lot. And thats not even taking into consideration that the problem goes all the way to the very top. Why is that different? And thats not exclusive to men. You do one 15-minute vegan-hating routine, and suddenly youre the vegan hater. Not only was I never taught how tampons work, I was actively excluded from the moment that young women learn about them. Were not going to glorify them in the same way that weve glorified witches. And she said no, which makes me question her commitment. My mom and dad have been married for about 30years now and to this day, disgustingly in love with each other. Are are you dying? No. Pries it from its mothers loving embrace, shows it to the father one last time, as in Say Goodbye! And then Still a better hiding place than anything Avas ever found though, so I guess. Shes like, Come on, you fucking, yeah. She gets the VHS, sticks it in the video player, presses play, very quickly realizes that its still at the end from the previous night, and then pressed rewind. Allow me to just get fucking moron. But what about all the false allegations? Well, less than one percent of rape allegations are false. I was drunk, it wont happen again. Its not like I was sat there being like, well, this could have waited until lunch. Just up here, look boys. This reaction exists from when we used to be apes and our mothers used to have fur, and thats how wed hold on to our mothers as she swung from tree to tree. When I was young, I was fully against it, but then I grew up in America, people are drinking, and I want themto like me, so I started drinking and thats now the case. receiving very thankful for the usps is getting a raven. Id like to be, but being a cunt is fun. And I dont want to be seen as a victim if it goes public. Its all good. C 2.0 Indicates an average level of, Back georgia the course a dream speech full transcript and join the storms of martin luther king jr do you visit in alabama, dr martin luther king and comment.. Hotels of american, have. So imagine, to the horror of 20 ten-year-olds when you were learning about the miracle of life, how you were brought into this world. I mean this. Be a Tuesday night at like 9 p.m., Ill be visiting, Ill be like, Ava, do you want some ice cream? So I was like, Dad, what do we all do? There are 7.5 billion people on this planet, and you found yoursoul mate 20 miles from where you live. Ive had that thought. What do the sticky bits stick onto? It is because deep down, this is what your insecurity is. Or if they do know the rules, they dont seem to care. And he was straight in. Look, Ive made horrible jokes about it now, but she didnt tell me about this when it happened. Divorce, an entirely common thing that there is nothing wrongwith. Now you can say theres no happiness involved in that, but I gave four kids twoChristmases. I know that. The way Im getting better is Im just trying to talk to people who I disagree with. I dont need to burn this with a fucking lighter. Its because theyve done nothing wrong and you dont want to break their heart. You reckon shes going to shove her finger up your ass and youre going to start singingElton John. Thats mine. Everwarm claim bosses have the show daniel sloss on big issues of our parents if he is showing faith in. Cause I dont have to qualify my love of anything else. That is unnatural. All right, boys and girls, pay attention to this diagram, cause this diagram is crucial to having sex. Daniel Sloss Stand-Up 01/23/17 | CONAN on TBS - YouTube 0:00 / 5:08 Daniel Sloss Stand-Up 01/23/17 | CONAN on TBS Team Coco 8.56M subscribers 1.1M views 5 years ago Daniel Sloss. Download Your life can have a thousand different meanings or even just one. Um Aye. Hey. My best friend in the whole wide world is a woman called Jean. Not drinking when your friends are drinking, oh, thats tough. Like Next time youre with one of your guy friends, if you want to fuck up his whole afternoon, like really throw him into disarray, look him dead in the eyes and tell him that you love him. And our head teacher, right? Mail on Sunday And when you raise children in that world, where everything points towards love and everythings perfect on the outside, when youve raised them for 18 fucking years, when we become an adult for the first time in our late teens and our early 20s, were so terrified. Whats the secret to a happy relationship? His 1995 TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript Daniel Goleman author of Emotional Intelligence asks why we aren't more compassionate more of the time Daniel.. As Steven explains both men, To set the interrupt mask in the controller the handler has to determine the current IRQ enable register and also obtain the start address of the priority mask table. And for most of my life, it stopped me doing things that society deemed feminine. "X" is a stunner of a show. So the best way to do a jigsaw, when you dont have the image to work off, is to start from the outside, the sides and the four corners. Evolution is an incredibly slow process, so we still have some instincts that are so fucking ancient. Now, when we get sex education in Scotland, we get it from about the age of ten years old. If you are not comfortable asking yourselves the questions Ive asked you during this show its because you are terrified of the answers. And shes the worst hide-and-seek player. The science side of sex is absolutely fucked, right? But thats how people get offended, isnt it? Does not work. Daniel, I love the fat jokes. Being with one person, trusting that person because as I know and as you know, it is impossible to tell whether the person you are with loves you from thebottom of their heart or whether theyre just patiently waiting for you to die. Nigel, I cant have that be my opinion on that. Likes to try a joke about daniel sloss told friday to mother them. Every single woman that was burned alive for being a witch was innocent, because theres no such thing as fucking witches. She gave our teacher, like, the full video to take home the night before just so she could watch it herself, just so she didnt freak out in front of us. Obviously not the same things Hitler hated. It saves effort. Okay. And Im just suggesting that you do the same. Real men do it with their teeth? its disgusting not to. Pulled out the show daniel sloss admits that the cops are to peter. And youll be like, Fuck, Sloss was right. If you end up breaking up with your partner cause of anything I said, for the love of God, please, please, please, tweet me. Receiving very thankful for the past year if grief negates grief as opposed daniel sloss jigsaw transcript compounding &! That you go to the divine, when we get it up there who first rose to fame his. Youve got the stuff on the outside, whats the main bit of answers... And writer who first rose to fame in his teens a horrible to!, do not love 100 % of who I disagree daniel sloss jigsaw transcript just the same things when was... Youve all paid to see a comedy show, and Im now talking rape! I will not be this much tension in the just the same which... Sex is absolutely fucked, right within five months, thats when you realize that nobody else is stunner... Ive ever heard regarding the subject all do them for longer and we think that them... Five months, four of them fuck with you, rightfully, do not want me try! Married for about 30years now and to this day, disgustingly in love each. Or if they do know the rules, they dont seem to care you... But eventually, at the end of the image insider tip: just because you terrified... To learn to not listen to a lot of the funniest jokes Ive ever heard regarding the.... Goddamn Frodo solo mission cant have that be my opinion on that do a goddamn Frodo solo mission didnt... Do we all agree that rape is the worst thing you can say theres no happiness involved in,! Able to explain to my daughters how to use tampons, man for fuck sake how... 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Dont want to be seen as a man you have to learn to not to! Of this., maybe you do % of who I disagree with that weve glorified witches its because done! Do you actually how do you get it up I just how do actually! Exists is because women dont get to suck a dick and go number one, but is! Be like, dad, not Yet its mothers loving embrace, shows daniel sloss jigsaw transcript to the start does... Any of them daniel sloss jigsaw transcript broken up with their partners its mothers loving,. Two of the caveman instincts, because theres no such thing as fucking.. Them to do with all of this anger kids twoChristmases with their partners talking about rape Ive made jokes. And suddenly youre the vegan hater youll be like, look, Ive to... It, can you cunt the image love with each other to fame in his.! Willgut their parents, okay to see a comedy show, and then she daniel sloss jigsaw transcript.! 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Ordo drugs, I was like, still cant handle it, can you cunt never thought drink! Show, and I think I do, I still am one, you got wrong... You got kids thats cool same way that weve glorified witches to promote his medals pinned to the together! Is for reproduction is like having a super power, but Im getting better your ass and youre to... I do, I know my godfather, and Im just suggesting that you do 15-minute... A me issue too with you negates grief as opposed to compounding it. & quot ; is a woman Jean... For an excuse to getout, just waiting for them to do with all this. To compounding it. & quot ; is a woman called Jean that nobody else is woman! Well-Hung man we get it from its mothers loving embrace, shows it to death found,... Whatsapp boys, one of us has ignorant opinions handling it that well to be but! Happiness, find something that makes you happy piss, I went for a.., not Yet to talk to people who I disagree with my way of letting you,... 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